


A Song To Take You Homewards

by gingertintedglasses



Series: One Shots [9]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BuckyNat Secret Santa 2016, F/M, Mentions of past abuse, Proud Parents, nat and bucky comfort each other and communicate, second-guessing themselves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-14 01:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9152113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingertintedglasses/pseuds/gingertintedglasses
Summary: For my BuckyNat Secret Santa!What if Bucky and Natasha had been paired in the Red Room for reproduction purposes?Bucky and Natasha come to terms with the past and the choices they've made as they raise a daughter they chose to have in the present.  Mentions of past abuse/dub con are not explicit.Title comes from the Manic Street Preachers' "A Song For Departure".





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [liesmyth (l_cloudy)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/l_cloudy/gifts).



It had taken a while. First on her own and then when Bucky came back and then when he came back to himself. It had taken _years_ and the therapists had been good and SHIELD had been helpful and _T’Challa_ had been helpful and they had _both_ made a concentrated effort and.

And sometimes she remembered _coldcoldcoldandwhatisthatwhatisthatwhynonoNO_ but it went away, if she counted her breaths like she’d practiced and it helped, to see Bucky take some time, quiet in a corner and breathe, too.

And then Sasha would cry for a drink of water or a snuggle because she had a bad dream and Natasha was here again, in the present, warm and alive and had _chosen_ this time. And no one would have their girl but them.

***

Sometimes Bucky would wake in a cold sweat and remember. He would remember _don’tdon’tdon’t_ touchher _don’thurtherdon’tmakemehurtheriloveherdon’t_ and _iwillkillyouallforwhatyou’vedonetoherandtomesocoldsocoldstopstopSTOP_. 

He would slide out of bed quietly and sip tea on the balcony in short sleeves to feel the air and remind him that he was _here_ and he had gotten his revenge and he’d gotten Natasha back and she didn’t blame him any more than she blamed herself and they’d made it work. God, they’d made it work and he would ease down the hallway to stand in Sasha’s door and listen to her steady, deep breaths and be glad she’s theirs.

He’d made them _pay_ and he took satisfaction in the tension that was bleeding slowly from Natasha’s edges with every day that passed, in the sound of their daughter’s laughter, in the fact that no matter what the Red Room had tried, they only succeeded in creating a common enemy for he and Natasha and no children upon which to inflict their terror.

***

When Sasha was old enough to walk, they started teaching her to fight. To defend herself and someone else.

When she started to talk, it was in the carefully crafted words of her parents that had their foundations in love and trust and loyalty.

When she started school, they were sure to educate her about the world and it’s goodness and evil and doing the right thing regardless of the cost.

***

Bucky remembers nights he and Natasha sat up, hours after Sasha had gone to bed, and whispered and wept and shored one another up and patched up old wounds they’d been sure were healed. 

Natasha remembers their wariness, how many days and nights they talked and agonized and the time they spent learning to _trust_ again. The time they spent writing out plans and reading books and watching YouTube videos and how it turned out to be a guide to help them grow rather than one to help Sasha grow.

Bucky remembers the first time she was suspended. A bloody lip and bruises up her arms and he saw _red_. Until. Until she told him – _it’s ok, Daddy. They were pushing him, the little boy. He couldn’t help himself, so I helped him. It’s ok. They’ll leave him alone now because they got in trouble, too._ And he deflated and made them both tea to keep his hands busy, to keep them from shaking.

Natasha remembers the way her heart skipped a beat, when Sasha declared in the fifth grade, that she was going to become a nurse because she wanted to _help_.   When she marked on her college applications that she would pursue pre-med and the ROTC program because there were people that would need her.

***

Her first opportunity, Sasha hopped a plane with one of her professors to help with an epidemic in Libya. She wouldn’t get sick thanks to her “good genes”, she argued with a wink, and so she had an obligation to use that advantage to help others.

Bucky made sure there was a detail there to keep her safe. Natasha made sure they kept their distance to keep Sasha’s independence intact.

She completed her degree in three years with an offer to work in one of the premier research hospitals in the country. Her thesis on MDR-TB garnered much attention and Bucky had never been so close to tears as he was waving Sasha through security at the airport to start her PhD in Boston.

Natasha downloaded every article from the campus paper that mentioned Sasha and spent part of their weekly call reminding Sasha how proud both she and Bucky were of her and the work she was doing.

Bucky would agree and later, after the call, he would sit with Natasha and they would breathe together and through the memories of _nononodon’tpleasestopno_ there came a quiet, insistent voice that sounded more like _yesyesyesdoingwelldoinggoodyesthisisprogress_ but that neither of them would verbalize for fear of alerting fate to their luck.

***

Sasha walked on to a coveted team in an infectious disease laboratory in Boston the day after she completed her doctorate. Her parents were there to celebrate (and would be again, when she received her diploma) and there was something far less wary and tired around their eyes, edged out by pride and love and their knuckles were white, they gripped each other’s hands so tight.

She saw them wiping away stray tears when they thought she wasn’t looking while she spoke at graduation: perseverance and support and love and helping and all of the things her parents gave her and showed her to help her succeed. 

***

It was late, when their Skype call with Sasha ended and Natasha leaned back into Bucky’s side. She’d been deployed for five months already and was making them prouder with every day that passed: vaccines distributed, hurts mended, a hand outstretched. The team with her was one she hand-picked, one she was leading and inspiring.

“We did it, I think.”

He hummed. “What’s that?”

“They tried to use us to make fear. And –I know it hasn’t been easy. But. I think we made good.”

Bucky squeezed Natasha close, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “Yeah, Tasha.” His voice was quiet, raw. “I think we did some good.”

 

 


End file.
